How To Write Every Single Month WITHOUT FAIL sometimes

So I’m pretty much an expert at writing when I’m supposed to.


Actually, I’m an expert at writing when I’m not supposed to. For example, at 4:20 AM on a Monday.  Have you ever felt like you can do anything? Except for the thing you’re supposed to be doing right now. That’s probably why you’re reading this. That other thing can wait.

Why do people do that? Because we have stupid lizard/monkey brains that don’t know how to do anything properly. Seriously, that’s the answer. I was not asking hypothetically.

Basically your brain has 3 layers. First, the lowest layer, is the Retarded Lizard Layer. This handles your breathing and all that other automatic shit. Also this is the part of your brain that tells you to shit your pants when you’re about to do some really stupid shit.

Second, you have the Retarded Monkey Brain. This is the part of your idiot brain that tells you when you’re supposed to feel awkward and uncomfortable in social situations. (always). This is the tasty middle layer, but it’s the loudest in your head. It’s the one saying, “FUCK, FIGHT, FUCK, RUN AWAY FAGGOT”. Actually the higher brain is the one that calls you a faggot.

The Super Duper Ultimate Human-Only Brain:

This one is really fucking retarded. It’s the one that overanalyzes the cereal options at the grocery store for 15 minutes. Should I get Crunchy Cocoa Keks or Krunchy Munchy Spooks? They’re exactly the same, but one of them is anti-semitic. Hard call. Anyway, your higher brain is the part of you that freezes up every time it’s supposed to make a decision. Also it makes 100% of the decisions. OR DOES IT?!?!?!



The super ultra bonus Not Retarded At All Brain is located not in your head, not in your dick, but in your GUTS! This is the brain that tells you when and what to eat, and also it’s the thing that gets all tingly when you have that feeling like you’re supposed to do something important. It’s the part of you that tells you when you’re about to fuck up your life, but instead of using words it uses cryptic indecipherable feelings.

Trust your gut though. It’s the only part of your body that’s not fucking retarded.






Scientific Sources:

Fuck you. Look it up.

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