What is it? How is it? And why does it do like that anyway?
All excellent questions to be sure. And I intend to pretend to answer them all, don’t you worry.
So, should you come and live in Mexico or not? Let’s do some pros and cons.
Everything is cheap as fuck
For real. 20 minute uber rides for less than 5 bucks. 2-3 course meals for less than 10 bucks. Non-happy-hour drinks for a buck fiddy. Also, pina coladas and tequila are amazing here. Just don’t get anything with ice or you’re gonna shit lava for a week.
The people are less racist than a lot of places.
So, a lot of people in a lot of countries are pretty racist towards foreigners. Americans often forget about how diverse our country is. People of every race can be considered American. But a lot of countries are pretty homogenous. Mexicans, though, are pretty accepting of white people! You’ll get stared at but that’s about it.
The food is fucking amazing.
So much good food. My only gripe is that absolutely everything has some form of carbs. It’s damn near impossible to order meat without a side of tortillas or rice or something. Why can’t I just get a fucking steak? Jesus. It’s no wonder Mexico is one of the most obese countries in the world, next to good ole God blessed US of A.
The music is cool!
Since coming here I’ve discovered a TON of awesome artists. Everything from punk rock to rap to shitty top 40 pop. They’ve got a huge diversity of talent down here. Definitely recommend it. If you want a catchy punk song with a shitload of curse words, I recommend Frijolero by Molotov.
Yeah the girls here get a stamp of approval from me. I know my girlfriend isn’t gonna read this, given that her English is somehow even worse than my terrible Spanish, but she’s a real sweetheart. Before I found her, I sampled the local cuisine a healthy amount. They definitely appreciate us white boys down here. Not as much as in Asia, though. Also be ready to encounter a lot of strong personalities. Be confident or you’re gonna get shit all over.
Ok. So those are some cooooool things about Mexico. But what parts about Mexico fuckin’ suck a big bag of frijoles?
SHITTY SHIT POINTS OF MEXICO
The fucking water is poisonous
Don’t drink the water. Don’t brush your teeth with the water. Don’t make ice with it. And squeeze your fucking mouth shut in the shower. And if you sing in the shower, spit that shit out like it’s fucking acid or else you’re gonna be shitting it out. Like it’s acid. For real. If you come here long term, be mentally prepared to shit lava at least once.
People aren’t that friendly
So the people here are pretty cool. They’re nice and generally are pretty easy to talk to. But they will NOT strike up a conversation first. You’re gonna be forced to make the first move. In Asia, a lot of people will go out of their way to talk to you first. Not here. You’re gonna be doing a lot of the legwork if you want to have friends.
Nobody speaks fuckin’ English
If you aren’t a Spanish speaker, you’re gonna have a realllll hard time. You can point at a menu to order food, but if you don’t speak at least a minimal amount of Spanish, you’re pretty much fucked. I know this is their country and they’re obviously not obligated to learn English, but I expected to find more English speakers in a city of a million people.
Everybody is Catholic
Nothing against Catholics, except for how their religion is a relic of a time when everybody raped and murdered anyone who wasn’t Catholic. Seriously, the Catholic church is stuck in the fucking 1400s, and everyone here is stuck along with them. I have to drive 35 minutes to get to a modern church, way out in the fucking boonies.
The god damn motherfucking piece of shit government
I seriously cannot stress enough how frustrating the government is here. They will bullshit you at every turn. They will extort money from you. They will make you come into their offices 5 times to complete a single task, citing bullshit reasons every time that you have to come in just one more fucking time. The police will extort you if you are foolish enough to own a car. And there are motherfuckers with machineguns guarding everything, just in case you get any funny ideas about not tolerating their bullshit. Seriously, fuck the fucking Mexican government. God damn totalitarian beaurocratic motherfuckers.
So yeah, Mexico is pretty cool. All in all, I’ve had a swell time here. The people here make a buck-fifty an hour, so if you make more than that you can live pretty damn well. Definitely recommend visiting. Get a tourist visa and skip the government bullshit and you’ll be A-OK. Don’t walk alone at night.