It seems like the word “friend” means a lot of different things to different people. Sometimes it’s a person you enjoy spending platonic time with. Sometimes it’s a person you want to fuck who doesn’t want to fuck you back.
But there’s a lot of grey area with this concept of “friendship”. Like, a lot of times, I’ll meet a girl and she’ll refer to us as “friends” immediately. We hang out once and we’re friends already, in her mind. I don’t even know if I like someone until I’ve seen them at least twice. How can we be friends already?
I can hang out with a dude every week for a year and barely know his name. But suddenly I hang out with a chick and we’re friends after having one conversation. Stop that. If you’re a female reading this, stop calling dudes who you barely know your “friends”. Because they’re not. Maybe they want to fuck you, but they don’t give a shit about you as a person.
That’s kind of what friendship is. Friendship is giving a fuck about someone. Maybe that’s why women tend to accelerate into friendship-mode more quickly, because women are generally more caring as human beings. Guys don’t give a fuck about other people so easily.
Guys fall into this friendship trap too. A lot of guys are eager to play the friendship game with a girl they like. That’s what we call the “friend zone”, where the girl sees the guy as a friend, and the guy is hoping one day she’ll let him sweep her off her feet with some romantic gesture. This never fucking happens, but everybody in the equation seems to get something out of it.
That’s another weird thing about friends. You kind of need to get something from the other person. This sounds bad on the face of it, like the average cynic’s transactional view of human relationships, but friendship can’t be one-sided. Like, imagine you have a friend that never has any fucking money, so he always wants you to pay for his shit when you go out for food or whatever. Or, imagine a friend who’s always asking for a ride, or who always needs a favor for some bullshit that you don’t want to do. That friendship isn’t going to last long without some kind of quid-pro-quo from the other person. Unless you’re codependent, of course, but that’s a topic for another day.
So friendship is this bond between two people where you both give a fuck about each other, and you both will put at least some kind of effort towards making the other person’s life less shitty, if possible. Like, you’ll say nice things to them when they feel shitty. You’ll get them a gift on Christmas and maybe call them on their birthday (or at least text them… fucking savages). You’ll say hello to them or give them a call every once in a while, just to let them know they’re not alone in this desolate unforgiving universe.
For me, the weirdest part about friends is that there are people out there who care what happens to me. There are people out there who like me, who want me to be happy. They sincerely care about me, and they would help me if I needed it.
I’ve never been able to say that before. I’ve never really believed it until recently, regardless of whether it was ever true before or not.
People out there give a fuck about me. They want me to be happy, and they would do whatever small things they can in order to make my life better. And if you’re reading this, almost certainly the same is true for you
That’s a weird fucking idea, and I can still barely wrap my head around it.
(If you’re totally alone and/or miserable, please hit me up in the comments or on instagram @johnkenjack and we can chat).